William Taft is Hiding Jesus and John Wayne
On the busy intersection of Rushmore Road and Main St., I spotted a U.S. President standing silently on the sidewalk with one knee propped up and an arm behind his back. “Was he hiding something?” I thought.
Indeed, without disturbing William Taft‘s deep consternation, I peered around the corner of his pear-shaped presence and spotted an object…something square and colorful…
Sure enough, a copy of Jesus and John Wayne. Noticing my walk, he then quickly slipped it under his jacket and looked at his watch like he was ready to leave. I could only surmise, based on previous experience, why he was self-conscious of letting others see what he was reading…
Woodrow Wilson is Reading Jesus and John Wayne
Another President was spotted with a copy of the controversial book: Woodrow Wilson.
“Overall, it’s a good book and worth reading. It brings some disturbing facts to the fore, and draws together an array of interesting patterns and ideologies and theologies that have entrapped women.”
“So,” I said, “you think women should be more directly empowered in church and in state, given that the tough-guy mentality of your opponent Teddy is a dead-end for any kind of gender equality?”
“We have made partners of the women in this war,” he said, “Shall we admit them only to a partnership of suffering and sacrifice and toil and not to a partnership of privilege and right?”
Warren Harding is Propping Jesus and John Wayne
I could not understand why President Warren Harding had put a copy of the controversial New York Times bestseller on a chair next to him and his dog alongside the street. But, hey, that’s what he did. And it brought me to a slight state of perturbation, along with his strange stare. “Was this some kind of game? Did he hear about the book’s popularity and want passerbys to sit and read it while he stood over their shoulders like a creep? What the heck?”
Calvin Coolidge Mounts Jesus and John Wayne
Calvin Coolidge tipped his hat as I approached his trusty electric steel steed. But he never said “good day” or “hello” like the other Presidents. He just stood there with a dumb smile on a his face and a mounted saddle to his side.
No sight of any books at this point…until I walked around and saw what was sitting on a his saddle. “Huh,” I thought, “I guess that’s a fitting place for a book named after a cowboy.”
Herbert Hoover Read Jesus and John Wayne
“Hello young man,” said President Herbert Hoover standing nonchalantly.
“Good afternoon! So what’s that book you’re holding there?”
“Well I think you and I both know what book this is,” he chuckled. “And I suppose you want to know what I think about it?”
“Sure?”
He sighed. “Well I’m not sure I’m quite ready to disclose my thoughts just yet. But, it does have me thinking. My Quaker upbringing has much to say about women’s equality in the church, though this rough-tough man stuff is something not so clear.” His tone shifted slightly. “There’s alot of things about this progressive era that concern me—the New Deal interventions and social responsibility, and now women are all of a sudden voting and what not. A lot of fast change…”
“Will you finish it?” I finally asked.
“The book? I suppose so.” 
And finished with that incredibly boring book-conversation with an engineer, I looked on…
Franklin D. Roosevelt is Reading Jesus and John Wayne
On the corner of 5th and main, I saw Franklin D. Roosevelt giving what seemed to be a rather important speech.
“In fact, I’ve recently been doing some reading in history,” he said to the audience, “and if we think our society is one of equals between men and women, we are mistaken.” I slowly slipped behind him to see if, per chance, he had some of those reading materials on the podium.
“And that’s why it is so important to pass this legislation,” he announced, “to provide much needed relief to women who have already had it hard enough.”
Yep, opened on his podium was a trusty copy of that best-selling book, Jesus and John Wayne.
Harry Truman Obtains a Treasured Copy of Jesus and John Wayne
“Look everyone!” Harry Truman was yelling to passerbys on the street corner. “I finally have it! I have it right here!”
I looked over the see what his dopey face was so excited about, and then it was clear what famous object he was holding in his hands…
“Yeah, I think you’re a little late by now there Harry” I said, knowing full well he didn’t care what anyone said, and that I was standing to far away for him to hear me anyway. “There’s a couple dozen Presidents who are already have a copy, and several who already finished reading it.”
I’m guessing copies were hard to get ahold of, as the book was selling out of printings. I was happy for him, though, if he was like other Presidents, he probably wouldn’t even read it.